This is not my ceiling
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
