I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
