32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
