dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
