Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
