Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
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I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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