I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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