If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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