dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
