Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
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if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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