Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize