My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
