you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
