sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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