If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
