I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
