It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
