if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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