I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
