Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
