I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I die, sorry about rent.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
