so that wasnt chicken after all
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
