Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
