she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
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Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
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Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
They have beer where we have blood.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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