I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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