Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
