I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Randomize
