So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
