Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
