"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
