There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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