Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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