just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
