he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
