Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
