tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
