Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
