she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize