So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
