well I can't set my house on fire every night
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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