u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
