But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
