Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
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But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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