Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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