I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
