nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
