Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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