On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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