We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
