The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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