i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
