I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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