Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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