fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
