He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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