There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
