I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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