I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
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This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
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You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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