The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
