I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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