I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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