Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
