I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize