Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
