There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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