Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
is that a dick in a sweater?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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